I thought Dick Turpin wore a mask?

Over the last few weeks a number of large oil firms have been announcing enormous profits over the last quarter, with large percentile profit increases due to the rise in oil prices.

These oil firms are raking it in, while the consumers of these products (us!) are having to pay increased prices for petrol. My local Esso (which I’ve complained about before) is currently suggesting I pay 95.9p a litre for unleaded. Fuck that! I go to the Sainsbury’s petrol station which is only 200 yards away from the Esso and pay “only” 86.9p.

These big oil companies are making massive profits and we get to pay over the odds to fuel our cars. Fine, it’s good business I suppose, make hay while the sun shines and all that, but screw you Esso, Shell and Texaco. I won’t be buying fuel from you while you’re insisting on raping the consumer with your inflated prices.

*takes deep breath*

I feel better now.

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Drive-in restaurant

While I was walking into work yesterday morning (at an un-Godly five-thirty or so) I noticed that there was a Police car parked outside one of Beeston’s more expensive restaurants. There was an area next to the restaurant that was taped off.

As I approached it I noticed that there was a BMW parked in the space there, but on the way past it became obvious that it actually parked partially in the side wall of the restaurant. There was a chunk out of a neighbouring fence and this blue BMW had done a good job of partially demolishing the wall.

This had happened at about 11pm on Sunday night, according to the Nottingham Evening Post.

I’m not sure if this was a stolen car, or if some pissed idiot decided that he’d like some take-out but it’s really made a mess of the whole building. The restaurant has been closed since and it looks like they’ll have to get some structural engineers in the see if the whole building is going to collapse on their unwitting customers.

It’s a shame – the food in there is supposed to be really good too.

hey@hey.com

Attention spammer. Just give it up. Every single one of your attempted spammings are being blocked by either MT-Blacklist or Spamlookup. Not one of your comments or trackback pings has got past these defenses in MONTHS.

Do yourself a favour and try a more efficient method of advertising rather than this spam zerg which isn’t really getting you anywhere. Pay for advertising on highly ranked pages rather than leaving thousands of comments on low-ranked dead blogs. Or just die. Whichever.

Thanks.

Harley Davidson joke

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur,”Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.”

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, “I want to hang out with God.” St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God,who recognized Arthur and commented, “Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!”

Arthur said, “Yes, that’s me…”

God replied, “Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can’t run without a road?!”

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, “Excuse me but aren’t you the inventor of woman???”

God said, “Ah, yes.”

“Well,” said Arthur, “professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!”

“Hmmmm, you may have some good points there,” replied God, “hold on.”

God went to His Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

“Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,” God said to Arthur,”but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.”

Jade Goody Free Naked Pics!!!!!

I’m sad to announce that I do not have, or even want, naked pics of Jade Goody. There are none displayed anywhere on this site, nor will there be. This is probably a disappointment to the guy that searched Google for “jade goody pic naked free” and arrived here. Sorry.

There are also no pics of “Monkeys fucking girls”, Chris Hall’s false eye or Yvette Fielding wearing leather. If anyone has any of the latter then please feel free to email them to me. Thanks.

Similarly deluded searchers found their way here using the following phrases this month:

chocolate insects uk
bacon sarnie recipe
topless sunbathing milton keynes
eve pollard (ten searchers this month for the lovely Eve!)
asda tidgy fridge
colonic irrigation in nottingham (good luck with that one)
turning deceased into diamonds

Thank you all for coming.

My forearm hurts

I’m currently suffering some discomfort in my forearm, and not for the usual reason. I had four games at the Ten Pin Bowling alley at the weekend, and now my poor little muscles are complaining.

Considering my maleness, such discomfort will be taken in my stride, although it may be a contribution in the loss of efficiency in my mouse hand. And also other activities my suffer a drop in effectiveness.

Illiterate abuse

I get a lot of spam attempts on this site, but today I’ve been amused by some idiot who thinks that leaving abuse on people’s blogs is fun. Sadly, he (or possibly she, but probably some teen boy) has a pretty tenuous grasp of the English language:

listen up this shit is pointless your a hard man making a fucking crappy little website i no what you are your the type of person to have a little dick theres plenty of you pricks about now for fucks sake you still live with your mum u bender

It’s been left on an entry from July 2004, and I’m buggered if I’m going to approve it, but his email address is (possibly) vespa1@hotmail.co.uk if you fancy sending him some similary complementary comments.