Bob Geldof has written to me

That nice, sweary Irishman Bob Geldof has written to me. He told me to watch the TV tonight (shame I’m working) and perhaps you should too. This is what he wrote:

Hi,

Tonight Make Poverty History is going to make television history.

At 19.58, across almost every TV channel, a short film featuring Brad Pitt, Bono, Cameron Diaz and many more famous faces, will show exactly why the opportunity we have this year to bring an end to poverty shouldn’t be wasted.

It’s called “Click” because in about the time it takes for you to click your fingers a person dies of extreme poverty. Dies, often, for want of medicine that you or I could buy over a counter at any chemist.

Do tell everyone you can to watch the launch of “Click” tonight – it’s a really remarkable film. If you can’t get to a TV you will be able to see it here after 20.00. Please forward this mail on to a group of your friends, and ask them to join us at www.makepovertyhistory.org too.

Thanks for your support. Together we really can make poverty history.

Bob

Please tune and and consider supporting this cause. Thanks.

Crap joke of the day

A man went to an indian restaurant and decided he would have something different for a change so asked the waiter for advice.

“Have you tried the chicken tarka sir?” asked the waiter.

“What’s that then?” asked the customer.

“Well, it’s like the chicken tikka sir, only it’s a little ‘otter”

That little gem, and whole host of similarly dire jokes, can be found at the ever-popular DDN forums.

Farting with confidence

I’m generally feeling much better now. I still don’t have my normal appetite back, but I’m not suffering from some of the more distressing symptoms of the last few days. I’m not sure what it was all about, but it was probably viral combined with a distinct lack of sleep.

I’m still tired today though. Getting up at 5am does NOT agree with me, but it’s nearly Easter now and as my shifts seem to fit the lucky way round I get some extra hours in bed on Tuesday too. Lovely!

Now, in order to feel better I think I need to eat some properly cooked sprouts and drink several glasses of a decent New Zealand white wine, from Sainsbury’s.

I can’t get no sleep

Bah! It’s just typical. I got to bed early because I’m not feeling well and I can’t get to sleep. I was really tired but I’ve got all sorts of things going round my head that just wouldn’t shut up long enough for me to drop off. When I did eventually get to sleep I woke up at 4am for no reason that I can fathom.

Oh well, in work for 5:45 too. It was raining when I walked out the house, so rather than walk in I took the car, thus arriving early. Oddly enough I do feel a bit better this morning, although I could have done with longer in bed. Asleep, preferrably.

Well, aren’t I the bundle of fun this morning? I’ll pick up later perhaps.

Feeling crappy

God knows what’s wrong with me, but I’ve been feeling shite all day. I’m not entirely convinced it’s food-related, although I did have sweet chilli sauce on my bacon cob this morning. I had that at about 8am and I’ve not been able to eat anything since.

I’ve visited the toilet several times today and I now feel a bit sick. Poor, poor me. Thank you for your sympathy!

A proud father

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.

“They’re mating,” her father replied.

“What do you call the spider on top?” she asked.

“That’s a Daddy Longlegs,” her father answered.

“So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied “No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.”

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. “Well, we’re not having any of that poofter shit in our garden” she said.

As stolen from DDN!

Public Service Announcement

I feel it is my duty to report that there is a potentially serious risk to your personal well-being should you decide to drink New Zealand Red wine after several pints of Guinness. Attempting to walk home from town (at least 8 miles), sore calves, nausea and waking up at 2am fully clothed on top of your bed may result from such activity.

This warning is probably also suitable for other types of wine. Be careful out there.