Happy New Year

It’s only 18:20 or so here in Toronto but midnight approaches back in the UK, so here’s a Happy New Year message in advance. I’m just off to get liquored to the titties in celebration of this event and shouldn’t be in any state to type much later. Not that that usually stops me.

Hope everyone had a good 2004 and that 2005 exceeds all your expectations.

I’m still hungover

After my attempt at drinking the Bier Markt dry last night I’m still feeling the effects 24 hours later. Bloody hell, when I woke up this morning I felt just like the name of my last drink, La Fin Du Monde (The End of the World). The beer gorilla had certainly visited me during the night, messed up my hair, took a big dump in my mouth and made me a sandwich too. Well, there were remains of a sandwich that somebody had eaten that I don’t remember making.

I was astounded to see that I’d managed to post, yet again, on my site while wrecked out of my box. I’ve noticed the odd spelling mistake, but I may as well leave those in as a lesson to all drunk bloggers out there. It is slightly amazing that I’d successfully added the links and that there’s some (but not a lot) coherency.

Luckily my nieces were having a reasonably quiet day today, although we did all go out for a nice visit to the Air Canada Centre to see Disney on Ice. Now, I have a bit of a history with this event, and I can’t say that I was initially enthusiastic about the prospect of going to see it, but it was enjoyable, especially as we had the kids there. My eldest niece seemed to love it (she has a fascination for the Little Mermaid at the moment) while the youngest one was too young to appreciate it, and she just decided that a kip would be a good idea for the whole second half.

Unfortunately the beer has affected me all day. My initial beer poo was disappointing, but that just turned out to be a false dawn. The real one turned up in mid-afternoon. It was a monster and I felt quite emotional when I had to flush it away. My speech has also suffered – I appear to lose all ability to form meaningful sentences while hungover, so I’ve not been particularly conversational today at all.

New Years Eve tomorrow, my last night in Toronto, then I fly back to the UK. I’ve had a great time here and I’ll miss my little Canadian family, plus all the new friends that I’ve made while I’ve been here. I will definitely be back soon!

Oh dear, once again with the pissedness

Shit, once again I find myself inebriated and that I have unfortunately difficult to control fingers. Thank God for the delete key.

OK, so tonight I have been out with my sister with a couple of her friends Carol and Sandy. We had a lot of fun, but mostly when we got to the Bier Markt which is a rather excellent beer seller in the middle of Toronto.

It’s a very nice, popular bar in a busy part of the city which provides the visitor with a large selction of beers. Primerily I found myself drinking La Maudite which is a locally produced beer (in Ontario) with 8% power that almost put me on the floor. It tasted utterly magnificent too.

My last beer was of the stupendous La Fin Du Monde which might possibly be the finest beer that I have ever drunk. At 9% it’s rather strong but so drinkable. My fingers are in awe of it’s qualities, and are having difficulty just typing this (I’m a bit pissed).

So, in retrospect I’ve had a fantastic night, with excellent company and wonderful beer. I should go to bed immediately before I start typing utter bollocks…

I still don’t want kids

I’ve had some magical moments over the last couple of weeks while I’ve been here in Toronto. I’ve got to know my two nieces, I’ve spent some quality time with my sister for the first time since I left home back in 1988 and I’ve had a fantastic time in a wonderful city.

There is one over-riding factor though that has strengthened one of my life edicts. Small children appear to be a never-ending supply of shit, piss and puke – as fast as you’re shovelling food in their mouths they’re already considering how it’s going to reappear, and where the most inconvenient place for them to leave it is. They’re little bastards and they do it on purpose.

Don’t get me wrong, being an Uncle is the best thing for me. Becoming a Dad just lumbers you with nappy changes, wiping poo from your bedclothes and hoping that the puddle on the kitchen floor is apple juice. I get to do all the good stuff, like making snowmen abd playing basketball, while their parents get to wash their hands more frequently and smell slightly of wee on occasions.

I love these two kids to bits. I’ll be back here before too long so that Uncle Davey can spend more time with his sister and two little nieces (plus brother in-law) and I’ll miss them all when I come back to the UK this weekend. It’s just really good that I can hand them back when they start screaming.

I assaulted a small child today

I had a little accident today with my youngest niece. I was baby-sitting the two girls while my sister went to the shops, both were asleep and I was watching Dune on the telly. Eventually the youngest one woke up and we had a bit of fun in her bouncy chair, well, she did, I was the guy employed to keep putting her toys back after she threw them on the floor.

All was well, and mummy came home and she busied herself with mummy things, as mummys do (or is that mummies?). At one point the 8 month-old niece started to winge a bit so I picked her up. She needed something that I wasn’t prepared to do (change the nappy, bollocks to that) so I stood up to take her through to my sister. Unfortunately my head then collided with the overhead light-fitting causing me to automatically lower my head, thus making me head-butt my niece.

She wasn’t too pleased with this turn of events and started to wail like a banshee. Thankfully no lasting damage was done, both her face and my head are fine and the light-fitting didn’t sustain any lasting damage.

My niece soon forgave me for my accidental violence towards her and allowed me to feed her some sort of mushed-up peas and carrots later on.

Mother Tucker’s

Thanks to a Christmas gift from my Dad, we all went out for a feed at a buffet-style restaurant called Tucker’s Marketplace – my sister gave it the more suggestive epithet – where much food was consumed for a very reasonable price.

There was a wide selection of very tasty food on offer from the traditional North American fare of burgers and pizza to oriental food and salads. I stuffed my face with a variety of lovely dishes – the chilli and sweet and sour fish were particularly good – but I was completely outdone by my brother in-law Phil, who appears to be an Olympic standard scoffer.

An excellent value restaurant with good quality food, far superior for a family feed than the likes of Burger King et al.


Possibly the most useless snowman in the worldAs you can see from the pic on the left, Uncle Davey has been making a snowman with his (nearly) three year-old niece. We had a great time shovelling the snow around in an attempt at making some sort of snowman.

Unfortunately our attempts were rather unsuccessful. It has a hat on, potatoes for eyes and a carrot for a nose, plus a hat and scarf, but infortunately nothing like a humanish shape. It’s just a pile of snow that’s been slightly moulded.

The snow that had fallen today was very powdery and refused to be made into balls. The stuff underneath was pretty icey, and also quite unmouldable. Such are my excuses for making a crap snowman, not that I’ve had any practice at such things for about a decade or so, but you’d think that I’d have done a little better.

Still, we had a lot of fun doing it. The niece and I are getting well and truly bonded 😉