Pontins, the return

Well, arrived back. Tired and a little inebriated, but I’ve had a brilliant day or so with the Ibstock lads and lassies. We played pretty well I think and got a deserved 7th out of 26 bands that entered, which isn’t too shabby at all.

Well done to the winners Wrexham, who also won it last year

Now, time for bed. I didn’t get much sleep last night after drinking much beer in Rhyl and going to the Dragon Boat for a Chinese, then an early rise for breakfast and rehearsal made Dave a tired boy. Then all the beer this afternoon made Dave a very tired, pissed boy though I do seem to have sobered up some since.

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Pontins, Prestatyn

Over the last few weeks I’ve been spending some of my spare evenings rehearsing with a second band, Ibstock Brick Brass, due to my appearance within their ranks at this years Pontins contest in Prestatyn.

My own band weren’t going this year so I jumped at the chance to go with another. We’ll be playing Philip Sparke’s excellent London Overture tomorrow sometime, then there may be a short visit to the bar where much liquid will be consumed.

This is a great contest usually, though it’s more of a social event than anything else. I reckon it must be the most lucrative weekend of the whole year for Pontins what with the whole place being packed out with boozy brass banders drinking the place dry.

I apologise in advance if I get pissed and upset someone by being rude or offensive. I really can’t handle my beer 😉

Buy your own bloody sweets!

This is a notice to Trick and Treaters this Halloween:

You might like going round all the houses in your area for at least two weeks before Halloween. You may have spent a few pounds on a half-decent outfit, although most likely you’ve just bought a cheap mask from the card shop and wearing it with your normal clothes. You may even be in the “Halloween Spirit” and think it’s cute to try and scare your neighbours into giving you sweets.

I, however, don’t. You know where the Pick-N-Mix Aisle is in Sainsbury’s or wherever – go there and buy your own fucking sweets and don’t be bothering me.

Thank you 😉

Productivity increase

Today has seen a marked productivity increase by me at work. The corporate network went down, and I was no longer diverted from my proper tasks by the evil interweb. Instead I was incentivised (is that a word?) to get on and do stuff.

Naturally, now that the web is accessible again there’s a good chance that I’ll get sod all done, but considering that I’ve actually be really good recently regarding my workload (yes, really) there’s also a chance that I’ll maintain my momentum and keep on working.

Possibly.

Anyway, back to the task in hand…

Merry Bloody Christmas

On the way into work this afternoon I noticed a bunch of workmen putting up a “delightful” selection of Christmas decorations and associated lighting around Beeston High Street.

Great, I thought, Santa’s here!

I didn’t think that actually, I just wondered why they were putting them up already, rather than a couple of weeks before the event. I’m sure I complain about this every year, but why do they always insist on putting up all this tawdry crap so long before the end of the year? I like to enjoy Christmas, but not for three chuffing months.

Just to improve my mood while gazing at this activity it had decided to drizzle in that way that you only get in the UK, making the fact that I was using an umbrella a waste of time. UK drizzle hangs in the air like a mist, making sure that you’ll get more wet than in a downpour. Which is nice.

Hmmm, I’ve not blogged for a little while then I come up with this big whinge. Oh well, life is still good believe it or not, but Blizzard Software have interfered with much of my spare time recently with my introduction into the world of Diablo II. I have a friend at work who plays this too and we’ve been slaughtering our way around battle.net for quite a few hours recently. I know it’s a bit sad, but fuck it, it’s addictive.

Bill Gates vs General Motors

My sister’s been sending me a few jokes recently, so here’s a selection of the better ones. I know some of them are a bit old, but it’s often worth repeating some of these ancient goodies…

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

Blonde joke

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee’s well being, asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?”

The blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.”

“I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Why don’t you go home for the day… we aren’t terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest.”

The blonde very calmly explains, “No, I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.”

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. “If you need anything, just let me know,” he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, “Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No,” replies the blonde, “I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mum died too!”